For some reason, parenting is the hardest thing I've done in my entire life. Actually I can think of a lot of reasons why it's hard. But it's what I always wanted. When we announced baby numero uno, a roommate and friend reminded me of a conversation we'd had. It was sometime around my college graduation. I confided to her that I wasn't very interested in my soon-to-be-in-my-grubby-little-mitts english degree because what I really wanted was to get married and have babies. And I was 100% sincere. (I know, I'm sappy like that.)
Now that I'm living the dream, I have to do the occasional employee review on myself. I sometimes have to remind myself that this really was my dream. It still is. There are days when I don't feel like I'm very good at it...like I'm taking for-granted these little lives that have been entrusted to me.
I love them so much. But today I heard the infamous love chapter. The words that stood out to me: "love keeps no record of wrongs." I was taken aback. I had to think hard about something that, at first glance, seems simple. Okay, I can do that. No, wait. Can I do that? Do I keep a record of wrongs? Yes, I do. Oh, no! But I really, really love my kids! At least, I want to love them so purely. I realized that when Andrew gets home from work, I sometimes tell stories of E's capers because they are too funny to keep to myself. But other times I keep a record of my son's sins because I want Drew to know how I've been mistreated or disrespected or beat up. I want pity and I want to be praised for, essentially, doing my job.
That's not how God loves me, though. He doesn't have a conversation with the Holy Spirit (himself?) about all of the ways I've wronged him. He doesn't play the victim of my crime. He loves me even though I spend a lot of time disobeying him. He has hope for me and faith for me that I can become a truer, better version of myself. He even has faith that I can learn to love like he does. And that gives me the strength to try again tomorrow to erase my record of wrongs and love with pure love.
Dear Melinda, as a fellow Mom I totally get what you are saying. When you are tired and frustrated. Just take a peak when they are sleeping. I believe God gave us that time to realize they are God's little angels. Hang tough sweet Melinda, you are pretty wonderful for God to put you as the caregiver for those sweet angels. He knows you will have challenges but someday you can sit back and realize how wonderful they turned out. You forget how hard it was to guide them there. I love you. Grandma Sherry PS they also marry wonderful people and give you beautiful grandchildren.
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